Fictional Excerpts from Government Documents #1

The following is NOT an excerpt from the Congressional hearing Review of the State Department’s Silverware Replacement Program (1987):

“After an audible but unidentified snicker from the panel, Secretary of State Shultz once again blamed Alexander Haig for the failed policy that led to the so-called Cutlery Crisis of 1986. However, with tears in his eyes, Shultz took full responsibility for the introduction of plastic sporks during the infamous 1987 State Department Pit Barbecue and Sack Race Luncheon, where Walter Mondale was so offended by the quality of the eating utensils that he dropped out of the competition. Shultz asked Congress to provide funding for replacement silverware, proposing that it be paid for through the sale of ‘Diplo-Mats,’ a limited series of government-produced placemats featuring images of Henry Kissinger sunbathing in exotic locations.”

Want to read the real thing? This government document and thousands more are available from University Libraries.

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